My vision is a bit clouded as I write this. It’s because when you cry while wearing contacts it kind of ruins the clarity somehow. I’m not sure though, I could be totally wrong. Science and optometry are not my specialty.
I’ve cried a few times in my life, but today….was one of the few times I cried and felt like my soul was trying to escape. Let me explain the backstory so it makes me look less like a sensitive emo person.
A very large car company (this is my description hahaha) sent me an email for my application for the Graphic Design position I applied for. Basically, they were interested in hiring me! I went in for an interview, talked with them, came back home…anxiously waited for their response. I’m sure you know the ending to this story.
While at work, I checked my email and saw that I had not gotten the position because they have selected other candidates who fit closer to their current business needs. Whatever that may mean. This is what it means to me:
“You are not good enough for this position”
I guess I don’t know what to say. Thankfully I was on my break when I read the email…;/
Yeah, I’m extremely upset. Very…very upset. You know, I really revolved everything around this opportunity. I was brought in for the interview, they saw my resume, maybe my portfolio…they said they liked my stuff, my resume was good, etc. so I didn’t understand it. I still don’t.
I don’t know how much more qualified or skilled I can be. Honestly. Do these people want me to have designed 10 billboards and a Grammy or something before I become qualified enough? I’m sick of having to waste my time interviewing and answering dumb questions and stupid things to prove myself to people who have no intentions of giving me a chance in the first place. It’s so twisted. Yes sure the industry works this way, I guess I just haven’t felt the burn yet. I just know people who are given opportunities left and right and are not good designers, which really makes me mad. What are they doing that I’m not? Eh.
I feel like I’m a really good designer but no one wants to give me a chance. The worst thing is not being given a chance. I know not everyone will get a chance, but still…damn….so close.
I wish that they never sent me an email at all. Or had me come in for an interview. It really messed me up. It got my hopes up, it gave me a false sense of encouragement. A slap in the face.
The thing that kills me is the thought that I will have to resume working at my retail job, where I currently die inside everyday. The place where I stand still and cash people out, answering stupid questions and getting yelled at things that I have no control over. I had 3 job opportunities, and I lost them all. I’m back to where I started. It’s like….I never had anything at all.
I really thought I had it. I thought for once in my life, something good would happen. And I’d be able to make everyone proud of me. I’m experiencing the pain of rejection.
Oh but don’t worry, I always move forward. There’s no where else to go but up when you’re at the bottom of the well.