Along with my neighbors, who stunk up our neighborhood by using cow manure, I also hate the food network.
I’m sitting alongside my mom, who is really into this “Everyday Italian” show on Food Network. That lady Giada or whatever, is such a fruit!!!!! She’s like the cake part of a fruitcake, you know the thing that keeps all the fruits together. SHES CRAZY!!!!
First of all, how the heck do these people come up with these recipes? Yea Giada, I’m really gonna wanna be serving people fish salami regotoni at 8 in the morning. And sure, it might look like the nastiest thing on the planet, but no matter what goes in your mouth you always gotta be like MMMMMMMMMM SO GOODDDDDDDDDDD and then you proceed to throw it all up in the trash can. I saw the bonus footage, DONT HIDE FROM ME!!!!
You think after all these dang cooking shows, all the stupid recipes of this world would finally be used up. But nah, we got weirdos on this planet who like to work with weird stuff like grass, waffles, I mean gees we got cereal, hamburger, and fries. Us americans don’t need anything else. Besides, one of her recipes call for cheese from Holland, yea lemme tell you how I’m not writing this from a supermarket in Holland with cheese in my hand. Does she go over there and buy cheese and just keep it in her fridge or something? WHAT A CREEPER :(
So now Giada is showing us how to make stuff in under 15 minutes. Girl this recipe doesn’t look like it takes 15 minutes, that’s your editor at work. To boil pasta it takes at least 10 minutes, so technically it’s like ‘make a meal under 15 minutes if you work on a food network show’.
Oh lord now she’s talking about adding food that makes a ‘burst of color’. Jesus. Dang this lady is really trying to convince us all that the food is good. Honestly she has like this 3 paragraph testament for every dish she makes that she recites after she takes a bite. I wonder how she would testify in court.
“Did you kill Mr. Higgins, Mrs. Giada?”
“Oh yea but the salami it adds this bold flavor, it really just adds that spicy flavor while the pasta…”
“Security, shut this lady up. I’m gonna go get a hamburger with extra cheese, RECESS.”
The food network bugs me, it truly does. I’m not sure why, but I find the hosts of all the shows annoying. Cept ace of cakes, he’s cool.
Anyway, school is sadly over for my brothers and sisters. Which means I’ll have to see them day and night, forever, and ever. Until September. That month cannot come fast enough. You don’t understand how much I savored those Monday through Friday days when my siblings were in High School, and I woke up with peace. Went shopping, came back, and the house did not smell of Hassan’s hair or Ali’s body odor, Lisa’s…..spirit….eh….
Cow Manure kicking in!