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i hate the food network » Swimchick.net

i hate the food network

posted June 12

Along with my neighbors, who stunk up our neighborhood by using cow manure, I also hate the food network.

I’m sitting alongside my mom, who is really into this “Everyday Italian” show on Food Network. That lady Giada or whatever, is such a fruit!!!!! She’s like the cake part of a fruitcake, you know the thing that keeps all the fruits together. SHES CRAZY!!!!

First of all, how the heck do these people come up with these recipes? Yea Giada, I’m really gonna wanna be serving people fish salami regotoni at 8 in the morning. And sure, it might look like the nastiest thing on the planet, but no matter what goes in your mouth you always gotta be like MMMMMMMMMM SO GOODDDDDDDDDDD and then you proceed to throw it all up in the trash can. I saw the bonus footage, DONT HIDE FROM ME!!!!

You think after all these dang cooking shows, all the stupid recipes of this world would finally be used up. But nah, we got weirdos on this planet who like to work with weird stuff like grass, waffles, I mean gees we got cereal, hamburger, and fries. Us americans don’t need anything else. Besides, one of her recipes call for cheese from Holland, yea lemme tell you how I’m not writing this from a supermarket in Holland with cheese in my hand. Does she go over there and buy cheese and just keep it in her fridge or something? WHAT A CREEPER :(

So now Giada is showing us how to make stuff in under 15 minutes. Girl this recipe doesn’t look like it takes 15 minutes, that’s your editor at work. To boil pasta it takes at least 10 minutes, so technically it’s like ‘make a meal under 15 minutes if you work on a food network show’.

Oh lord now she’s talking about adding food that makes a ‘burst of color’. Jesus. Dang this lady is really trying to convince us all that the food is good. Honestly she has like this 3 paragraph testament for every dish she makes that she recites after she takes a bite. I wonder how she would testify in court.

“Did you kill Mr. Higgins, Mrs. Giada?”
“Oh yea but the salami it adds this bold flavor, it really just adds that spicy flavor while the pasta…”
“Security, shut this lady up. I’m gonna go get a hamburger with extra cheese, RECESS.”

The food network bugs me, it truly does. I’m not sure why, but I find the hosts of all the shows annoying. Cept ace of cakes, he’s cool.

Anyway, school is sadly over for my brothers and sisters. Which means I’ll have to see them day and night, forever, and ever. Until September. That month cannot come fast enough. You don’t understand how much I savored those Monday through Friday days when my siblings were in High School, and I woke up with peace. Went shopping, came back, and the house did not smell of Hassan’s hair or Ali’s body odor, Lisa’s…..spirit….eh….

Cow Manure kicking in!

34 comments |

Comments

  1. omg i can’t stand Giada! She makes the weirdest things and then the way she says things after she tastes them …” MMMMMMMMM SHOOOO GOOOD”…like lady did ur tastes buds die or something?! Ew…And it’s not enough that she has 1 show…we have to suffer through 2 of them! yuck…

    Serenity posted this June 12 * # Reply

  2. they have to use chemistry and such lol. i dont have cable so idk who she is but if i did, id say id be watching the food network constantly hehe

    and they work with grass? lol

    clairessa posted this June 12 * # Reply

  3. My mom loves that show also.
    Giada went to school for this…. But baking/cooking is a science in itself!

    Melissa posted this June 12 * # Reply

  4. “But nah, we got weirdos on this planet who like to work with weird stuff like grass, waffles..”

    LOL XD

    Tuly posted this June 12 * # Reply

  5. I’ve never watched Giada! I rarely watch the food network. lol

    lexy posted this June 12 * # Reply

  6. lol! so true

    sammie posted this June 12 * # Reply

  7. I hate cooking networks, too. They’re all way too “spunky” and excited about everything. Bleh. It gets obnoxious.

    My friends and I just mute programs like that and then put in our own voice-overs. That’s the way to watch those shows. :P

    Dani posted this June 12 * # Reply

  8. I’m sorry, but this website had really decreased in quality, I won’t be coming back here anymore.

    Anonymous posted this June 13 * # Reply

  9. u hate everything… =/

    kels posted this June 13 * # Reply

  10. OMG. I hate Everyday Italian. my mom and sister watches her like everyday and they try to copy her food but in truth, her food sucks real bad. she says that they’re like healthy and stuff but they look so fatty =/

    Katheryn posted this June 13 * # Reply

  11. Oh thank God! I am not the only person who hates that woman?! To be quite honest, I cannot stand cooking shows. :)

    Jessyca posted this June 13 * # Reply

  12. Cooking shows are gross. I hate to eat, nothing makes me more annoyed on tv. I cannot grab that control quick enough to turn it off.

    Ann f. posted this November 12 * # Reply

  13. Actually, some of her stuff is really good and this is coming from the person who hates every food on the planet.

    Also, people that watch those shoes are INTO cooking. Hence, they have those “rare and exotic” ingredients you find so strange. o_o

    Cheri posted this June 13 * # Reply

  14. Lmfao I’ve seen her show once or twice and her voice is annoying. This post is very funny :D

    TheLeadingLady posted this June 13 * # Reply

  15. Well, I could send you some Dutch cheese :P.
    I’m really enjoying your post, you’re so funny!
    :D

    Janneke posted this June 13 * # Reply

  16. I don’t like Giada. the way she tastes her food at the end is creepy. She closes her eyes, forks it into her mouth and makes this “food orgasm” face, bulges her huge eyes open, and goes “The ____ really adds such a great ____ flavor!”

    ROFLMAO.

    I love Ace of Cakes though! Duff is awesome! ;D

    Eka posted this June 13 * # Reply

  17. Giada is a crazy lady. >.<

    Cow manure is horrible. It just is horrible. O.O

    MK posted this June 13 * # Reply

  18. I like the weird stuff, but not Giada’s show.
    Good Eats and Iron Chef are my favourite, because they’re weird … in a more enjoyable way? LOL. Idk.

    Jessica posted this June 13 * # Reply

  19. HAHA! i love her, her food is good. the recipies i have made some and they are so tasty. issue is, it always ,akies me hungry.

    sarah jean posted this June 14 * # Reply

  20. Hahah, I hate watching the food channel.
    They’re always saying, “A PINCH OF ROSEMARY!!”

    Hayley posted this June 14 * # Reply

  21. Haha! Your rants are hilarious and its true they “ooh and ahh sooo goood” when they taste! Buuut to be honest, they get paid to rave about their own food to make our parents want to eat it.

    Its kind of like bad marketing. Watch 10 mins of NBC, ABC, or CBS everyday and you’ll get what im saying. They cater to our parents so its only fitting that it looks dumb to us.

    Haha I am such a know it all who knows everything about nothing.

    Aneisha posted this June 16 * # Reply

  22. I’ve always wondered how she can make such fatty foods and be that skinny. Never trust a skinny chef.

    At least Rachael Ray has some meat on her bones.

    Anita posted this June 18 * # Reply

  23. She seems like a nice person but I do not trust a pretty chef. And that’s the point; she’s not a chef. All of Food Network cooks are winners of these friggin contests and suddenly – poof! – they’re the next Julia Child. Give me PBS anyday. Their cooking shows are far superior. What a waste the Food Network is. So sad. It could be awesome.

    Dale posted this June 23 * # Reply

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